Elitist Book Reviews

We at EBR are definitely fans of free stuff, and we figured that surely some of our readers must be fans of free stuff as well. So we wanted to offer you all the chance to get some. (Free stuff that is. Nick is too busy for anything else right now.)

What free stuff? Well. Glad you asked. The grand prize winner will receive an ARC (advance reader copy) of Dan Wells' novel, I AM NOT A SERIAL KILLER. Remember, we reviewed and LOVED this book. It is one of the best novels we have read in a LONG time. It even has the US cover on it, so its different from all the rest available right now. Not to mention you will get to read the book half a year before all your friends (well, assuming you are in the US of course...).


The runners up will each receive a I AM NOT A SERIAL KILLER button. You know, so that you can reassure all your friends and colleagues that you are, in fact, not a serial killer. (We hope.)

The rules and regulations are simple. 1) Fill out this little questionnaire about...wait for it...none other than your EBR staff. 2) There are right answers to the questions of course, but the best way to score points is to make us laugh. 3) The contest will be open until Sunday 9/20/09. Then we will score them and post the winners on Monday. 4) Email them to us. Please. 5) We don't care where you are from, but obviously, this contest benefits the folks in the US the most. That said, we'll ship it wherever (can't promise how long it will take to get there). 6) Don't be shy. The more entries, the more likely we are to do further contests really quick here (yeah, that was some foreshadowing).

We look forward to your contest entries. Also, don't forget to go take a read of our interview of Dan Wells. Get a glimpse into the mind of the beast so you can know how awesome the grand prize is.

1. If Steve could be a classic horror monster, what would he be?
a) A fake sparkly vampire
b) A real vampire (with really big teeth)
c) A were______ (fill in the blank with your choice--yes, it matters)
d) A zombie
e) Nick

2. Steve's favorite food is:
a) Chinese
b) Italian
c) Mexican
d) Thai
e) You

3. Nick Prefers:
a) Blondes
b) Brunettes
c) Red-heads
d) Dyed
e) Let’s not get picky now…all of the above!

4. Steve has a cameo in a book as a:
a) Corpse
b) Hot Dog Vendor
c) Cartoonist
d) Journalist
e) Stay-at-home Mom

5. How many kids does Nick have?
a) What’s a kid?
b) 1
c) 2
d) 3
e) They read Goodkind, so none anymore…
f) He’s aware of a “few” potentials, but the DNA results are still pending…

6. If Nick was an RPG character, what would his skills and traits be?
7. Nick looks like a _____.
8. Nick is a _____ beast.
9. Nick's idea of Hell is _____.
10. Nick's superpower is _____.
11. Steve is really good at _____.
12. If Steve was a pro-wrestler what would his name be?
13. Steve is _____ as a _____. (Remember, analogies are your friend.)
14. Steve's favorite past time is _____.
15. Steve's best quality is _____.
16. When playing against Nick, Steve will never win a game of _____.
17. The thing Nick hates more than anything else is _____.

Essay Questions(100 words or less):
1. Why is Elitist Books Reviews the best review site around? (If you say it isn’t, you automatically fail the test, and we will send ninja-zombies after you.)
2. Why should we give you a free Advance Reader Copy (ARC) of Dan Wells’ novel, I AM NOT A SERIAL KILLER instead of your competition?
3. Extra Credit: Write an intro to a SF/F or Horror novel, with Slamel and Bookstore Guy as the main characters (Hey. Its our website, and we set the rules here. And yes, those must be the names used.). 200 words or less here folks. Make it short and sweet. Make it short and bitter. We don't care, as long as it is short and it makes us laugh.