Elitist Book Reviews

What a piece of garbage.

Sorry, usually we begin with a thought provoking introduction that has you pondering the world around you in a completely different light. Jeff Lindsay's latest novel, DEXTER IS DELICIOUS, is just awful. It really is as simple as that. Seriously, is there even any sense to this series of novels anymore? Rhetorical question. No.

Just so you understand how we feel about this series of novels, here are a couple Dexter-isms:

Dexter the Decidedly Dreadful
Dull-as-Dishwater Dexter

Yeah. That about sums up the whole novel. Oh, and we didn't make those up. That's how Dexter is described in the first chapter of the novel. No, we aren't joking in the least. This Dexter novel is not Delicious as the title would have the reader believe, it is effing boring and pointless.

Jeff Lindsay's creation, Dexter Morgan, begins this novel by becoming a father. He suddenly has feelings, and has decided to no longer give in to the murderous urgings of his Dark Passenger. Yeah, Dexter no longer wants to be the killer we root for. Well, I suppose we haven't really cheered him on since part way through book 2, but still, you get the point. The issue with all of this is that you know Dexter is going to break his new resolution. You don't buy his new persona, because it isn't believable in the context of the story. You know that Dexter, predictably, is going to somehow rationalize his killing as protecting his new child. From cannibals! Get it? Delicious? Cannibals? Yeah, lame. Just like the whole novel.

Keep an eye out for that word "predictable" later on in this review. It becomes a theme.

Lindsay has a major problem with this series. The main one is that this series is now just a shallow parody of its early incarnations. Books 1 and 2 are where the magic happened. After that, Lindsay has been lost with what direction he wants to take. He tried supernatural, shock-value, and now parenting. And you know what makes these novels--especially this last one--worse? The brilliance of the TV series. You know how movies end up having a novel released that says "Based on the Motion Picture"? They are typically terrible. That is how this series of novels feels. It's like poor fan-fiction.

Lets get back to the predictability of this novel. Every freaking moment of the novel is telegraphed. From the obvious “Oh no, I’ve been trapped” moment, to the WHOLE FREAKING ENDING AND RESOLUTION, it is spelled out the whole time. This isn’t foreshadowing. It’s poor writing. Dexter's brother, Brian, shows up pretty early on in the novel. Gee, do you think he is going to play a major part in the investigations taking place in the novel? Literally our first thought when Brian showed up was, "Oh, so he will probably save the day after Dexter acts like a complete amateur." Yeah. Predictable.

Another thing that bothered us was the portrayal of the cops. We've been around law enforcement nearly our whole lives. Steve's dad is a high-ranking officer. So, when Lindsay makes every cop he writes stupid, we just can’s suspend our disbelief any more. Really? These people can actually catch killers? They don’t even know their own police procedures for Pete’s sake. Pro tip: if you have to rely on your main characters and supporting cast being completely idiotic to move your plot, you're doing it wrong. Along with ALL of the Brian moments, this all just screams laziness.

Our personal favorite was when Jeff Lindsay pokes fun at CSI: Miami by having Dexter imitate the main, pathetic character from that how. The thing is, by Lindsay putting that thought in our heads, all we could think was, "Man, this is like on of the REALLY bad episodes of that show."

The characters in DEXTER IS DELICIOUS are all idiots, and/or completely useless to the story. For example, why is Doakes still even around? He isn’t funny. He just takes up a couple thousand words of story for no reason. Rita? Yeah, the TV series did this right by getting rid of her. In the series we have to be subjected to her idiocy. Deb? Speaking of Deb, this novel is actually about her as Dexter watches her piss-poor detective skills. Even when she isn't "on screen" Dexter ponders her existence, and the way she wants a family. Blah. Blah. Blah. Go kill someone, already, we are bored.

Issue #9-bajillion: everyone knows Dexter's secret. The more people that know, the less interesting his dilemma becomes. It's like any costumed super hero. The fewer people that know the true identity, the more potential internal conflict we have.

Problem #86-bajillion & 2: Lindsay we get it, traffic in Miami is bad. But do you have to make a big deal about it in EVERY EFFING CHAPTER? How about you write an actual story that makes sense rather than telling us the traffic patterns of Miami?

There really isn’t any way for Lindsay to fix this series. He has made so many mistakes in these novels--particularly these last three, and specifically DELICIOUS--that there isn’t any redemption possible for the characters in these novels. No effort is made in this latest novel to push the series in a believable direction. No effort is made to get into the motivations of the main "villains" of the novel. What happened to the Dexter who was brilliant, and who was extremely proficient in martial arts? All prior character traits and development has been abandoned to make the characters of the series easy to manipulate through their new and improved stupidity. DEXTER IS(n't) DELICIOUS isn't worth anyone's time or money.

Move on to a new creation, Jeff.

No, we won't be reading the next novel in this series. We will stick to the REAL and superior Dexter series on TV, and reading truly excellent novels by Dan Wells.

What a piece of crap. We felt like we were in Billy Madison. "Mr. [Lindsay], what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things [we] have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. [We] award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul."

Recommended Age: We're sorry, but what part of "isn't worth anyone's time" wasn't understood?
Language: Yep. Swearing for the sake of swearing. This novel was written THAT well.
Violence: Oddly, considering the story was about canabalism, it was all fairly tame and boring (and predictable).
Sex: Yep, though not described. The one scene was so contrary to the unbelievable "progression" Dexter was making, that it almost made us throw the ARC we were reading away.

So. DEXTER BY DESIGN. The fourth novel by Jeff Lindsay that follows the exploits of Deviously Deadly Dexter (if you followed our advice earlier and read the first novel, DARKLY DREAMING DEXTER, you know why we use the alliteration...and it should be fairly obvious anyway). To be quite honest, we are getting tired of the novels, and are turning more towards the Showtime Series for our Dexter fix.

DEXTER BY DESIGN is not a bad novel. Some may (mistakenly) consider it a worthy addition to the Dexter series, and an improvement over 2007's DEXTER IN THE DARK. We understand those opinions, and prior to reading the latest Dexter novel, we too had hoped the fourth novel would get us back on-track after a decidedly...odd?...third novel. What do we mean by an odd third novel? Well, for whatever reason (With no foreshadowing we might add. Naughty Mr. Lindsay. If Dexter were an author, he would kill you for such an oversight.) Lindsay decided the third novel should be all paranormal horror. So, in the DEXTER BY DESIGN, we figured Lindsay would go further with that line of thought to make that story-line less jarring.

Well. Apparently not. And he decided to mention the events of the prior novel exactly once.

Once.

There is only one thing worse than taking your series in a completely un-foreshadowed direction, and that is going back to the way it was before without even an informative comment. The situation is like the terrible ending of the novel SPHERE by Michael Crichton. (Let's all hold hands and say it NEVER happened! Wee! Horrible. Just horrible.) Now remember, we originally stated we thought this would be the way to go. However, after reading this fourth Dexter novel, we changed our mind. Simply put, going back to the status quo made DEXTER BY DESIGN...boring. It became...predictable. Those, dear readers, are two words the Dexter novels should never be associated with. Dreadfully Dull Dexter.

Let's start at the beginning. Dexter and Rita are married and on their honeymoon in Paris--hooray for them. They go to the Louvre and make comments on how the "Mona Lisa" is overrated. (As an aside, Steve happened to feel the same way when he visited the "Mona Lisa" at the Louvre. You know what the "Mona Lisa" is mysteriously smiling about? The fact that she duped everyone into thinking the tiny painting was worth looking at. Take that!) The newly-married couple then go to an "exhibit" of one of those "artists" that hack into themselves and call it art. It was pure shock-value writing used to set up the displays of death that would be there to greet Dexter when he returned to Miami--but there is no connection between the "art" in Paris and the displays in Miami other than "Hey, the bodies are gonna be like THIS!" We found it heavy-handed, coincidental, and tasteless.

And then we get to the formula. Dexter goes home to Miami. Dexter sees a body at a crime-scene. It intrigues him. His sister, predictably, runs around screaming like a foul-mouthed banshee while accomplishing exactly nothing. Rita bursts into tears every four chapters or so. With five pages left, like usual, Lindsay wraps everything up as quickly and as rushed as possible. The end.

Seriously, the formula has grown stale, but we didn't realize it until reading this novel. But you know what really bothered us? The lack of character development. This is where the TV show has pulled ahead of the novels. In the show, the characters have been growing and learning over the course of three and a half seasons. The novels? No change. Deborah is the same as she was from sentence number one in the first novel. Same with Rita. The other side characters? They may as well be cardboard cut-outs. Dexter can only carry the novels by himself for so long. There comes a point where the other characters need to exert some influence on Dexter and the flow of the novels. After all, isn't a PoV character also a product of the side-characters? This is what the Showtime series realized after their first season, and it's why it has been enjoyable and fresh from episode to episode.

The whole reason the Dexter novels were, to us, successful is because they were so different. With Lindsay following an easily discernible formula, that differentiating factor has been neutralized. We want Lindsay to get these novels back on track...really, we do. He (Lindsay) needs to do something different without resorting to stupidity-inducing shock value. Do we think he will come up with something original to freshen up the series? No, because he poorly executed his plan in book 3 and panicked by going back to the standard formula in book 4. In DEXTER BY DESIGN, Lindsay took some of the filler plot-lines from the TV show and used them as "new stuff" in the book. We figure he will soon continue this trend and have the fifth book follow the Second Season of the TV show where Dexter is covering his tracks from an FBI agent. At this point, Dexter feels like a paycheck generator. It makes us quite sad.

As much as it pains us to recommend (Steve is crying in the corner as we type this. Big, sad tears.), you should quit reading Dexter novels until we determine Lindsay is actually committed to writing the fantastic novels he is (or was) capable of.

DEXTER BY DESIGN is nothing more than a terribly mediocre entry into the series, and into the genre.

Recommended Age: Should you decide to ignore our advice and read this novel, 18 and up.
Language: Lots and lots.
Violence: There is a lot here, and a lot of it is disturbing in a shock-value sense. Very disappointing.
Sex: Nope. Some is alluded to with language and actions, but no descriptive scenes.

Have you met Dexter Morgan? Surely you have watched the Showtime series based on his character, or even better, read the absurdly entertaining novels by Jeff Lindsay?

If you answered "no" to any of those questions, you have problems.

It's time everyone met Dexter, a blood-spatter specialist who works for the Miami Police Department. He is good at his job. He has a girlfriend. His tries to take care of his sister (also in the Miami P.D.).

Dexter Morgan is also a serial killer.

DARKLY DREAMING DEXTER is the first novel in an on-going series by Jeff Lindsay. In this first novel we are introduced to Dexter as he takes us on an introductory ride to one of his kills. Don't worry, Dexter only kills the scum of Miami. He kills the murderers, rapists, child molesters, and worse that escape punishment. A sympathetic serial killer. We love it, and so should you.

Now, if you actually watched the television series without reading the novels, this first book holds a few surprises. The supporting cast is quite differently portrayed and the attitudes of the characters are slightly different in the novel. The body count is higher as well. More importantly and interestingly, we get a more in-depth look into the mind of our Dearly Devoted Dexter (see what we did there? We took the title of book 2 in the series and used it in a sentence. Aren't we clever?). This first book has Dexter tracking down a serial killer whose "work" seems to call to him...whose work seems to be a personal message to Dexter.

DARKLY DREAMING DEXTER is wildly entertaining, and well worth the money of a purchase. Luckily, after this first book, the TV series and the books diverge quite radically, giving us more Dexter to enjoy.

Recommended Age: 18 and up.
Language: The novel takes place in a police department. In Miami. And our main character is a serial killer. Oh yeah, there is a lot of language.
Violence: If you are actually asking this question, we are going to send Dexter over to your house to kill you. Violently. There is a ton of violence in this series of novels.
Sex: Mostly innuendo, though we do get some sex. This isn't like the TV series that seems to force that content on you.

Go check out Lindsay's site.

http://www.randomhouse.com/doubleday/dexter/