Elitist Book Reviews

Sometimes it's difficult to keep up in the reviewing world. It seems like no matter how many books you read, there are always three more that show up for every one you get through. As such, there are times when I go to reach for that next book and my hand gravitates toward those that are the thinnest. I can't help myself. It's a choice of simple economics. This was one of those choices.

THE DOCTOR AND THE ROUGH RIDER is the third in the series of Weird West tales written by Mike Resnick and published by Pyr. For the most part, they revolve around “Doc” Holliday and his buddies in a Old Wild West that is a bit more “weird” than you remember. For Thomas Edison and Ned Buntline, two prominent geniuses of the wide world, spend their days and nights constructing inventions to make life better and easier than it would otherwise be out there amongst the dust and tumbleweeds. Running adjacent to that idea is that the American Indians hold sway over powerful magics that are significantly more influential than those of a more honest history. (For after all, fiction is really just a bunch of lies we tell ourselves, isn't it?)

In this volume, the barrier that the indian's magic has constructed to keep the United States from fulfilling their dream of Manifest Destiny and expanding all the way to the Pacific Ocean, has been given a chance to fail. Geronimo, the wisest and most powerful of the indian chieftans holding the barrier spell in place has seen the inevitability of the white man's expansionist dreams, and has decided to drop the spell in hopes of buying some mercy for his people on that future day. None of the other magic-wielding chiefs, however, are very excited about this decision. Thus they band their magics together to create a demonic beast that is so powerful that it will be able to destroy both Geronimo and the white man that he has chosen to deal with in this endeavor: Theodore Roosevelt.

The story revolves mostly around Theodore (Not Teddy) Roosevelt and his choices surrounding the deal with Geronimo. Roosevelt is a very strong-willed, influential, successful, go-get-em kind of man that has no qualms against riding off after this demonic indian beast and taking a swing at him. “Doc” Holiday also plays a role, although his part in it is decidedly smaller and less influential. He ends up being more of a gopher-boy for Geronimo than anything else, but fills the spaces between errands by shooting a few people, gambling a load, drinking more than his share of whiskey, and riding around in the sun.

Honestly, I really wanted to like this book more than I did the last one, and there were definitely portions of it that I did. In those, ROUGH RIDER reminded me of the first book in the series, The Buntline Special, that I liked so much. Unfortunately, so much of the fantastical elements were left completely out of this book. The world building was even more sparse than in the previous books, with only a few (I can almost say “few”, as in three, literally here) references to anything “weird” about the West this time around. It was completely lacking in that department. Instead, what we get is more conversation-driven plot, disappointing simplicity, and a push-button ending that left me feeling quite parched and in need of a stiff drink.

If you're looking for something to fill the time, that'll probably make you chuckle a handful of times, and that you won't have to think very hard at all about, this is probably the book for you. For me, ROUGH RIDER just wallows around in the realm of mediocrity though. I'd love to see someone else try their hand at this kind of setting. In fact...I seem to recall someone doing just that. Oh yeah, this book. I almost forgot about it, and I even remember liking it well-enough. Dang it all. Why haven't I read the sequel for that one yet? Now I'll have to go find it. One more book for the stacks. Although, after reading this one, I can tell you that The Rise of Ransom City will be taking a hefty step toward the top of my TBR stack—short book or no.

Recommended Age: 15+
Language: Strong and infrequent, but considerably more than the previous two books.
Violence: Some shootings, and one biological explosion
Sex: A few references to the seemingly-ubiquitous robotic whores

And your easy-access links to the lot of em:

The Buntline Special
The Doctor and the Kid
The Doctor and the Rough Rider

History, steam-punk, and the Wild Wild West. What's not to love, right? I tell you, Lou Anders and Mike Resnick absolutely had an awesome brain-child of an idea when they decided to run with this one. There's so much possibility with this mixup. So much real estate at your fingertips. And yet the first book was a bit iffy. Being fun and fast but not necessarily the awesome read I had hoped it would be.

THE DOCTOR AND THE KID is the second of those "Weird West" tales by Resnick and continues the story of Doc Holliday and his life in a Wild West twisted by the power of steam and electricity. The three main characters from the first story, THE BUNTLINE SPECIAL—Doc, Ned Buntline, and Thomas Edison—have all moved to Leadville, Colorado where they hope to escape the after-effects of the OK Corral. Doc wants to set up shop as a dentist and drift into retirement/consumption-driven-death, and Ned and Tom follow him to have a quiet place to continue their research.

There honestly wasn't a whole lot to this story. Doc is still an ever-drunk gambler, moving from one bar to the next in the hopes of draining a few bottles, or a few pockets, before crawling into bed soon after the sun comes up. Then he gets taken to the cleaners and either has to make some dough fast or die in a dusty back alley instead of a well-catered hospital. As he's a gunslinger, he decides to rustle up the cash by taking out some criminals, and the one with the biggest reward on his head is Billy the Kid.

The story gets really repetitive really fast, with Doc visiting bar after bar. Problems are solved not by him, but by his dynamic duo (Ned and Tom) that otherwise don't play any kind of role in the story. They are able to come up with a few interesting/funny solutions to the Doc's problems, but there's nowhere near enough to make up for the book's general lack of excitement. Again, like BUNTLINE, this was a fast read with loads of dialogue and single-minded characterization. The minimal overall description didn't help out either. The Wild West just wasn't in it. It was more about being drunk all the time, and letting down your friends, and the overall lack of consequences after gambling away your future if you're just good enough at what you do. Kind of depressing, really. It wasn't bad, although it was definitely a step down from the first in the series.

On the back-end of having read a handful of Resnick's books and short stories, I'm seeing some fairly distinct patterns that just aren't jiving with my tastes: a general lack of immersion, reliance upon quirky humor to carry the story, and anti-climactic climaxes. Fans of his stuff will probably like this book, but it seems to me that the more I read of his work, the more I decide that I'm just not one of those people.

Recommended Age: 16+
Language: Infrequent but strong
Violence: Some gun-fighting
Sex: Robot/hybrid whores, mild references, a picture mid-book

Here are your links should you want to give this series a shot:
THE BUNTLINE SPECIAL
THE DOCTOR AND THE KID

The Wild West. Dusty towns. Empty streets. Tumbleweed rollin’ ‘cross the prairie. Tombstone, Arizona. Ain’t nothin that better describes it. But this ain’t no normal town. No. It’s got electric cars. Magic Indians. Undead and vicious monsters alike. Read em all and weep, people, cause Resnick’s come to town.

THE BUNTLINE SPECIAL is a weird Wild West tale stripped out of the historical annals of the region and twisted to decent effect by the master of science fiction, Mike Resnick. Think “electro-punk western” and you won’t be far off.

The plot is pretty straightforward. The American Indians have kept at bay the expansionist dreams of the United States with their magical powers and somebody’s upset about it. So they send Thomas Edison out to Tombstone to figure out a scientific way to negate the magic of the Indians. A few of the chiefs don’t take too kindly to it and so Tom is soon in a heap of mortal trouble. So the local sheriff, one Wyatt Earp, calls in a couple of his buddies, Bat Masterson and Doc Holliday, to help him and the brothers Earp protect the scientist. Then, of course, it’s the Indian’s turn, so one of them resurrects Doc Holliday’s only rival when it comes to shooting: Johnny Ringo. And at long last, the stage is set.

The story itself revolves around Doc Holliday, a veritable dentist, who drinks enough whiskey each day to drown an elephant and is slowly dying of consumption. Despite this fact, he’s still the quickest draw in the west and there’s not a soul that doesn’t know just what ol’ Doc will do to 'em if they get on his bad side. He flashes his guns, grumbles at his girl (the proprietor of the town’s only whore house), and talks literature whenever given the chance.

The style of Buntline reminded me a whole lot of STALKING THE DRAGON, the most recent book that I've read by Resnick. After ripping through two chapters and seeing that about 85% of the text was dialogue, a few things became fairly obvious. One, this book was going to move fast; two, I probably wasn’t going to get a whole lot of characterization; three, atmosphere was going to be minimal, sure shootin’; and four, I better not expect a whole lot of action either. That’s essentially what I got.

All the characters are pertty much the same (and no that’s not a spelling error--think dialect): Old West hard cores that’ll shoot you in the head before you can so much as sneeze at them. They talk hard, have short tempers, and are ready to go for their guns at the drop of a hat. Lots o’ drinking and gambling and whoring to be had. Surprisingly though, there was also a lot of respect for the law when it came to killing people. Funny, that.

I had to laugh when I got to the end and realized that the chick that is apparently on the front cover barely even makes a proper showing. Ain’t nothing like a bit (bundle) of cleavage front and center though to make the masses check it out. The book, people. Sheesh. What did you think I was talking about?

Overall, there was too much talking (surprise, surprise) and not enough action for me. Additionally, one of the subplots totally overtook the book, leading to the climax (which only got two pages as it was) feeling fairly lackluster and without impact. It was decent though. Fast, interesting, and infrequently funny, this book is something that you could easily pick up between, say, two Malazan novels and totally blow through with a respectable amount of enjoyment to be had.

In the end, it was fun, but really quite superficial. Right on the edge of "Like" and "Mediocre."

Recommended age: 16 plus
Language: Some fairly strong language
Violence: Animal mutilations, people getting shot
Sex: Talk concerning the whore house, a couple short scenes without detail, and a picture of a robot whore (yes, they're in the book, and don't ask, because I have no idea)

Mike Resnick’s Website

Stalking the Dragon by Mike Resnick is apparently the third in the John Justin Mallory series of fantastical detective stories. It was reprinted by Pyr a bit ago, and I hadn’t read a whole lot by Resnick, so thought I’d pick it up.

Our story starts out with a brief intro of Mallory, the detective and main character of our story, staring into a magical mirror on Valentine ’s Day and getting ready to take his partner out to dinner. Then this big, hulk of a man with horns on his head hires Mallory to find his prize-winning, toy dragon by 4 pm the following day, at which time it’s supposed to compete in a pet show (think dog-show and you won’t be far off). Normal detective-like happenings ensue.

Two things become perfectly clear very quickly. One, this ain’t Kansas. Mallory lives in an alternate-reality Manhattan. It’s got demons, and goblins, and zombies, and all the chaos of a fantastical world, while still conforming to some of the standard’s we’re familiar with, like gambling, detective agencies and grocery stores. The second thing that’s obvious is that this is a book that supposed to be funny and it doesn’t matter what kind of nonsense is necessary to make that happen, everything is arranged around this single concept (just look at the cover--it should give you a good idea as to the silliness of the novel).

For the most part, the story is dialogue-driven with puns and gags in just about every other line. Humor is the word of the day, and the word of the day is humor. There’s loads of it, ranging across the whole spectrum of possibility, from laugh-out loud funny to groan-inducing horrible. The beginning is especially heavy, but eventually it evens out into something approaching regular.

The pacing of the story for the most part was good. There were spots with pun after pun after pun that slowed things down, and then there were those others surprisingly devoid of humor that made we wonder where it had gone to. The plot moves quickly from one step to the next as Mallory tries to figure out just what has happened to the toy dragon (not a miniature, a toy, and no that doesn’t mean it’s plastic either, as is assumed so many times).

The characters, besides Mallory, are all one-trick ponies. There’s a jealous magic mirror, a violent cat-girl who is always hungry, an overly-amorous cell phone, an inept goblin with a sword, and a zombie that’s particular about following instructions, to name a few. Interaction between any of them and Mallory was consistent. The cell phone is always hitting on him. The cat-girl is always threatening to kill someone. The zombie is continually screwing up because of the lack of detailed instructions. Their interaction is funny and sometimes hilarious, but toward the end it begins to drag a bit. One scene with a random goblin got me good, wherein it tried to sell Mallory a book of pornography that was disguised as a true-to-form Oxford English Dictionary. I won’t spoil the punch-line for you, but to say the least it got a hearty guffaw out of me.

This is really a quick popcorn read. Something to make you laugh, to get into and out of without much effort. It’s not a thinker. It’s not supposed to make sense, though some pieces of it do. The two small complaints I have is that things did get a bit repetitive, and there’s a startling lack of humor during the climax of the book. Definitely worth reading though. I should probably pick up something else by this guy. He’s certainly written enough.

Recommended age: 16+
Language: A little
Violence: A zombie gets shot up
Sex: Suggestive dialogue and numerous references to pornography

Mike Resnick's Website

STARSHIP: FLAGSHIP is the fifth, and concluding, book in the STARSHIP series, which is an entry in the Birthright Universe. If you are not familiar with Mike Resnick, and his Birthright Universe, we'll give you a quick lesson. Resnick is as decorated as an author can be with almost 60 published novels, a couple hundred short stories, 30 or so Hugo nominations, and 5 of those which he has won. The guy knows his writing.

The Birthright Universe is a 20,000 year long story that encompasses Man's rise to Galactic adventures, and his subsequent fall. Ambitious doesn't even begin to describe the project Mr. Resnick is working on.

The STARSHIP series is a Space Opera about the final phases in the Republic stage of Man's Galactic experience, and the beginning of the Democracy. Rogue Naval officer, Wilson Cole, and his ship the Theodore Roosevelt, formerly of the Republic's Galactic Navy, take the stage for the telling of this story. In this final chapter of the STARSHIP series Cole and his extremely small group of revolutionaries square off against a Republic of 60,000+ worlds and a Navy of ships--most of which outclass even the Teddy R--in an attempt to overthrow the government. No small feat...or so one would think.

Our biggest complaint (of only a few candidates to be honest) was that this is an -or should be- impossible feat. Cole's rogue Navy has 800 ships, against 300+ million, almost all of which are outgunned, so obviously open military action is ruled out. Duh. Well what does that leave? Guerrilla warfare, a propaganda campaign, sabotage, etc., are the usual suspects. There is a problem with that. Cole only has a very small, but dedicated, group of supporters, against the population of the Republic. There's no way he could pull off a Galaxy-wide propaganda campaign against the most powerful government the Galaxy has seen. Yet, everything enfolds (with one minute, early exception) unbelievably easy. That sound you hear is us groaning every time Cole succeeds in outwitting the Republic. Remember, the Republic has the population of 60,000+ worlds. You mean to tell us that the leaders couldn't find JUST ONE PERSON who could see through Wilson Cole's deception? Puuuuh-lease! (In case you were curious, Steve did snap his fingers back-and-forth while saying "Puuuuh-lease." It added quite a bit to the presentation. We promise.)

Now, this isn't to say there isn't any tension. There was plenty as we approached the outcome of the series. But in reality, this is more of a testament to Mr. Resnick's ability to engage the reader with his writing and sweep them along. We really just wanted a disaster or two...but instead we were disappointed every time things slid so easily and effortlessly into place. The ending wasn't exactly what we expected, but the resolution of the book still came about with really no effort.

Speaking of the ending, the last 1/5th of the book came completely out of nowhere, with no foreshadowing whatsoever. It wasn't quite Deus Ex, and it was a satisfying read while keeping the pages turning. But, it was still ridiculously convenient, and truthfully, a bit sloppy. It was as if Resnick knew he had written himself into a corner and needed an out.

Another plot-based stumbling block, for us, has to do with the believability of the general population of the Republic, and their reactions to the events in the book. The issue we had, was that Wilson Cole orchestrated events that made the Republic do incredibly terrible things. However, despite Wilson Cole obviously being the source of these events, it made the Republic become a hated entity by the Galaxy. Then, when Cole and his team did the exact same things the Republic did, as far as the general population was concerned anyway, it made people hate the Republic even more, instead of Cole. It made no sense for things to unravel this way.

Resnick seemed to have the most fun with his characters. They are interesting, distinct, and clever. In fact there were more than a few moments we thought to ourselves, "Seriously guys? There is a war on, in case you didn't notice. Its time to quit with the witty banter." The dialog in so many places is very entertaining, but boils down to one-liners and quips. Even keeping that in mind, the characters feel...pretty full. This is really an incredible feat since Cole is our only PoV character, and other than him not many of the other characters get much in the way of screen-time.

We love the alien who thinks he is Charles Dickens' David Copperfield, and refers to the Captain as Steerforth. Brilliant idea Mr. Resnick. The Valkyrie is incredibly annoying. Every line she has involves some outburst of how she wants to kill someone, blow something up, fight war, not hide, etc. We got it Mr. Resnick, we got it. Wilson Cole, we think, is a superhero in disguise. Reading about him during this book is like watching a World Champion chess player pitted against a third grader. He manipulates events at every turn, and single-handedly outwits his enemies. (Mr. Resnick must have based his character on Nick...) Though this does come at a price, other than the obvious undermining of the tension. Easily half the chapters end the same way. Cole's crew trying to keep up with his mastermind plan, trying to guess what is going on, and then Cole having the last sentence in a chapter, and saying the exact opposite of what his crew surmised. Fun, if a bit formulaic and obviously intended for minor cliffhangers.

It should be difficult to review the book without commenting on the ethical/moral questions raised (for Nick anyway, because he loves to debate ethics and play the devil...err, devil's advocate), but, sadly, it isn't. The ethical question Mr. Resnick was obviously, and admittedly, trying to raise was about torture. When does harsh interrogation become torture, and is torture crossing the line. However, it was such a small (and like everything else in the book, quickly resolved) plot point in the middle that it was little more than a blip on the radar. We were pretty bummed about this.

Ok, we dealt with the obligatory quirks that we didn't like. But was there any good? How did we actually like the novel? This book, despite what we think are it's failings (and what book doesn't have them?) was actually ridiculously fun to read. Resnick has completely captured our attention and imagination. Give us more Birthright Universe please.

The plot, though requiring a heavy dose of suspension of disbelief, (Heavier than normal obviously. We ARE talking about SF after all.) was very enjoyable. There wasn't a single boring part, or paragraph we felt like skipping. All of the things that we had a hard time liking, actually serve the book in an awesome way. It makes the book quicker, light, and easily accessed, all while dealing with the expansive universe (which amounts to the single most ambitious project either of us have encountered), ethical concerns, and modern-day allusions. It is a perfect starting place--well, after reading the other 4 books of course--for newcomers to the Space Opera genre.

Should you read the book? It only takes 2-3 hours and is worth much more than that. The STARSHIP series is a fast-paced Space Opera that should be bumped to the top of your reading list if you're in the mood for some SF. If you're like us, and really if you're not get to work on that (because who wouldn't want to be?), after reading the STARSHIP series you will eagerly be heading to your local bookstore (or Amazon if you want to be more like Steve) and pick up his other works, such as STALKING THE VAMPIRE and STALKING THE DRAGON.

Other awesomeness about the book? Well Picacio did the covers and Pyr published them (with great quality mind you). Enough said.

RECOMMENDED AGE: 16 and up.
LANGUAGE: A few F words.
VIOLENCE: A discussion of torture, but no actual scenes or description of it. A couple laser blasts to the head, but as is the case with Space Opera, it is clean.
SEX: No scenes or acts, but plenty of references to the main character and his love interest sharing a bed.

Go check out Mike's website.
Picacio's blog.
And, of course, Pyr's website.

Tell them all how much you love them and us.